The Intuition Accumulation
by CatGal15
Summary: The guys take karate class. Bernadette gets a modeling offer. Please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

AUTHOR'S NOTE: While Leader Of The Pack is on hiatus, I thought I would begin a new Big Bang story. I haven't forgotten about it, again; I'm writing the next chapter. But it's proving to be difficult and I needed a change of pace. Again. I had so much fun writing my newest Big Bang books, I just had to write more!

-0-0-0-0-

Bernadette pulled out a color card and examined it. A subtle shade of aqua, she thought it would be perfect for the nursery. She was browsing through the other colors when the clearing of a throat made her turn. She found herself looking at a very handsome man.

"Sorry, am I in your way?" she asked.

"No, no, that's not it at all. I was just wondering if you're interested in modeling."

"Excuse me?"

"You're just what we're looking for," he answered, as he handed her a card.

"Tiny Finies?" She blinked at him.

"Yes, a modeling agency for beautiful and petite women. Why don't you keep the card and think about it?" He flashed her a perfect smile as he walked away.

Bernadette examined the card; slowly reaching to put the color card back in its place. Her attention focused on Earl Berger's modeling agency card, she missed and the color card dropped unnoticed to the aisle floor. Looking up she peered around to see if she was being watched, then slid the contact card into a chest pocket. Getting out her iPhone, she dialed her husband's number.

"Everything okay, Bernie?"

"Can you meet me in the paint aisle?"

"Sure."

They disconnected and she waited for Howard to show. Soon he rounded the corner, pushing a very quiet double stroller. "What's up?" he asked.

Bernadette dug out the card and showed it to him.

"Huh," he eloquently said.

"He said I had the right look, and told me to think about applying with his company," Bernadette informed Howard, and adjusted her glasses.

"Wha-That's crazy! Not that you aren't fine," Howard quickly amended. "Because you are. I just don't like the idea of people staring at you. Or reading about you, before having an unusually long shower."

"Howie...You wanted to make more money. This pays, very well. And I have to admit, I'm interested."

"You don't mind if guys..." He waved a hand. "If they..."

"If they do what you do, but without the actual me?" she filled in. "Maybe it would motivate them to go on dates. But I don't care what they do. Financially it's the right thing."

"But you've got a job."

"I haven't been at work for three weeks, and I'm not talking maternity leave," Bernadette told him. "It's only a matter of time before I'm let go."

"I told you, ask Stuart to babysit."

"Ew, no way! I don't want him anywhere near them!" she trilled.

"I don't either, but I don't think we haven't seen a nanny who isn't repulsed by Kristy and Karina," he answered, "And I think we've gone through every nanny in the service."

"Yeah. Even the retired nurse granny nanny," she mumbled, as they began to walk. "I really thought we had something special."

-0-0-0-0-

"Sheldon, dinner's ready!" Penny yelled.

"I'm right here," he answered, and she turned away from the stove to see him in his Spot.

"Oh, sorry."

"Is it just the two of us eating?" Sheldon asked, as he stood and walked toward her.

"No, everyone's coming. You know, if they were all you, they'd be here by now." Penny took off the oven mitts.

Suddenly the door flew open and Leonard hurried in, slamming the door behind him. Then he locked the door. Breathing hard, he looked at his ex-roommate and his wife.

They stared at him.

"Problem?" Penny asked.

"Dear Lord, there's not a puppy out there. Tell me there's not a puppy out there!" Sheldon exclaimed.

"There isn't a puppy out there," Leonard said, his voice breaking. He moved quickly away from the door.

"Oh, good. Tonight's Comic-Con."

"Sweetie, dinner's ready," Penny told him.

"I'm not hungry." He hurried down the hall, and Penny and Sheldon looked at the Kick Me sign on his back. 


	2. Chapter 2

While Sheldon served himself, Penny walked down the hall and passed by the open bathroom door. Stopping before Leonard's room, she knocked.

"Go away!"

"Leonard, I love you. Please let me in."

The door slowly opened. Leonard was shirtless; his clothes and the Kick Me sign lay on his bed. "What?"

"Did someone pick on you?"

"Yeah, so what? You would, too, if we weren't involved; look at me!"

"Leonard - "

"Just leave me and my sad life alone. I'm not hungry." He shut the door in her face before she could see him cry.

Penny sighed and retraced her steps down the hall.

"Heard every word," Sheldon said impassively, as he carried his plate to the couch. Then he paused. "Is someone knocking?"

"I don't hear anything."

"No, I'm positive." He set his plate on the coffee table and moved to the door. Unlocking it and pulling it open he stepped back as Raj tiptoed in.

"What's up with you?" Penny asked, as Sheldon shut the door.

"There's a big mean guy standing downstairs," Raj answered. "Heads up; after dinner I'm going to ask you to walk me to my car."

Penny nodded.

"Maybe hold my hand," he answered, and moved to the kitchen.

"Alright, this is ridiculous." Penny opened the door and descended the stairs, oblivious to the horrified expressions on the guys' faces.

"So where's Leonard?" Raj finally asked.

Sheldon recalled Amy's attempt at teaching him to keep his mouth shut. "Uh, he's under the weather. Apparently having a milkshake was not a good idea for our lactose-intolerant underdog."

"I thought you said Howard was your underdog."

"No, Howard's under the underdog," Sheldon clarified. "Stuart's the guy who's under the guy who's under the underdog."

Raj had an overwhelmed expression on his face when suddenly from the stairwell there came a series of thumps. A moment later Penny walked in and closed the door. "Problem solved," she said. "Though I might have, kinda, created a bunch of other ones."

"Really?" Sheldon asked.

"Yeah. Based on how he landed, I'm gonna say his foot, his arm and his wrists. And maybe his spine."

"What did he say?" Sheldon demanded.

"Well, he asked me where Loser Lenny went, he hit on me, and when I told him Leonard was my husband he asked if I was blind." The guys raised their brows as she continued, "He suggested I cheat on Leonard with him, and when I told him he couldn't seduce a stripper, he flipped me off and asked if I could see it. So I pushed him."

"Goll-ly!" Sheldon exclaimed, a big smile on his face. "It's like Christmas for another person, the way I like it!"

Penny smiled smugly.

"I'm confused," Raj said, "Is he the milkshake that upset the top dog?"

"What?" Penny asked.

"Yes," Sheldon cut in, "But I wouldn't go that far."

"Okay, what would you call him?" Raj asked.

"A puppy," Sheldon answered. "He's little and terrifying."

"Can you stop talking about puppies and just eat your dinner?" Penny asked.

"Fine." Sheldon resumed eating.

Raj swallowed. "Did you know a woman's breasts are called puppies?"

Sheldon looked in awe at Penny, who rolled her eyes and collected her plate and utensils as she stood.

"Where are you going?" Sheldon asked.

"I'm taking my puppies out for a walk." She stepped into the hall and pulled the door shut behind her. 


	3. Chapter 3

Sheldon's infamous knock jarred Leonard from the captivity of his depressed thoughts. He wiped a tear off his cheek and remained silent, fully clothed and laying on his side, staring through the open drapes at the dark sky.

"Everyone's gone home," Sheldon called through the door. "I don't mean to be all strict and boring, but you're in Amy's guest room after hours and I'm not comfortable with that."

"YOU don't mean to be strict and boring?" Leonard yelled. "That's all you ever are!"

Sheldon jerked back like he'd been struck.

"Amy's not even here," Leonard continued, "She won't be until Monday; just let me sleep!"

"Alright, but I'm pushing a contract under the door and you have to sign it."

Leonard shook his head and didn't reply. Finally Sheldon's footsteps faded down the hall. Alone with his thoughts once more, Leonard sat up and pulled the Kick Me sign out from beneath his leg. He looked at it for a moment before wrinkling it up and stuffing it into the wastebasket. Getting up he turned off the light and stood at the window for a moment before pulling the drapes shut. Crawling into bed and burying himself beneath the thick comforters, he breathed in the familiar scent of a good friend and tried to forget about the horrors of the day.

Things had to change, he thought.

They would.

-0-0-0-0-

"Hello?" Sheldon asked into his phone. "Oh, hello, Mother! How's the visit? ...I thought you would. I think I love them like Howard loves his kids. ...You're not talking about the Bible, are you? Amy and I want to raise them atheist. ...No, Mother, it's not 'weird'." He rolled his eyes. "Tell them I love them. ...Goodnight, Mom. Love you, too." He waited a few seconds and hung up.

The door opened while Penny was still knocking. "Hey, is Leonard spending the night here?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Okay," she sighed, and she backed into the hall and closed the door.

"Goodnight," Sheldon said sarcastically, and he turned on the television.

-0-0-0-0-

(The next morning)

"I'm gunna do it," Bernadette said eagerly, sitting by the phone. "I'm gunna do it!"

She reached for the phone, but withdrew with a squeal. "I can't do it!"

Howard raised his brows. "You got closer this time," he noted.

"Uh, I think I should wait until we have a nanny," Bernadette finally said.

"What about your parents?"

She blinked and looked at him. "I hadn't thought of that. That's good."

He nodded.

She picked up the phone and dialed her parents' number. When she heard her father's familiar, gruff voice she said, "Hi, Dad! How are you?"

"I'm fine, pumpkin. How're you?"

"Really good. Dad, your grandchildren are so beautiful."

"I know. I've seen 'em a dozen times. Hell, they're lookin' at me from the mantle."

Bernadette smiled as she heard a beer lid pop open. "Would you and Mom like to watch them for awhile?"

"Sure, I guess we could spare a few hours."

"Actually I'm kinda lookin' for a nanny."

"A nanny! You do realize I'm not a nanny kinda guy."

Bernadette's smile grew. "Please? I'm desperate."

"Alright, alright, no need to bring out the ol' cow eyes. Anything for the little ones."

"Aw, see? I knew you loved them."

"Well, I meant you and my son-in-law, but sure." 


	4. Chapter 4

Leonard woke to the sound of Amy's alarm clock, and with dangerous eyes he reached over and blindly fumbled to turn it off. Getting up he looked at the grandmotherly arrangement of the bedroom, pausing when he saw the sleepover contract sitting beneath the door. He picked it up and was admittedly tempted to tear it in half, then lie and say he signed it; but of course Sheldon would want to see it...

So he picked up a pen and signed, putting the paper flat against the door. Letting himself out he bumped into Sheldon. "Here ya go, you psycho freak," Leonard said, handing him the paper. He bumped his way into the bathroom, and when the door locked Sheldon turned and did his infamous knock on the bathroom door.

"What?" Leonard said, his voice somewhere between a call and a mumble.

"It explicitly states you can't imply your landlord has mental issues!"

"You're not my landlord."

"For the duration of one night, it states I am; did you even read it?"

"Do I have to pay you?"

"No."

"Then go away, you crazy bastard."

"Ooh, grumpy!" Sheldon retorted. "What crawled up your butt?"

The toilet flushed and Leonard opened the door. "My briefs."

"Oh, right, the bully. Boy, if I had a nickel for every time that happened." Sheldon considered. "Okay, I forgive you."

Leonard stared. "You forgive me, for getting bullied?"

"Nooo. I forgive you for using harsh language because of your foul mood caused by you being bullied," Sheldon clarified.

"Thanks a lot," Leonard said sarcastically, as he went into the kitchen.

"You're welcome! Now, because we didn't make it anywhere near Comic-Con, I made a list of things we could do today."

"Wouldn't that mess up your laundry night?"

"Laundry night is Saturday. It's only Anything Can Happen Thursday."

"Right, what was I thinking?" Leonard looked for his jacket and Sheldon followed him back to the bedroom.

"Today I thought we could give the zoo a try. See, normally it's Amy who goes with me, but since she's in Texas I thought we could have at it. She knows how to calm me down during a rough day, but you do a fair job of it. Maybe I could even try to look at the peacocks."

"Sheldon, I do not want to go to the zoo with you!" Leonard exclaimed, as he draped his jacket over his arm.

"Well, I'm certainly not going there by myself."

Leonard looked wearily at Sheldon. "Is it any mystery why Amy volunteered to go to Texas without you?" He began carrying his things out of the bedroom. "I should've asked if I could go," he grumbled.

"I know I can be bothersome, but that's why I made a new agreement!" Sheldon called, as he followed him back into the living room.

"Another? Oh, boy, I can't wait to see it!" Leonard said sarcastically.

"Excellent, that's the spirit. Okay," Sheldon moved toward his desk, "It's called the Friendship Agreement. Wait, wait, it gets better," he said hastily, as Leonard opened the front door. "It says you can all go on a vacation without me twice a month!"

Leonard turned in the hall. "Really?"

"Yes."

"Let me see that." Leonard walked to him and took the new agreement. He was reading when the sound of Penny's door opening made him turn. She stood in the doorway in a matching leopard-print tube top and mini skirt, and a sailor's hat was placed sideways and lopsidedly on her head.

"Whoa," Leonard said.

"Was Casual Friday issued to Los Robles?" Sheldon asked.

"This is clearly a booty call," Leonard informed him, and made a shooing motion with his hands.

"Alright, I'll leave. But Penny?"

"Yeah?"

"You should really dye your hair again; it looks like dog ears." Sheldon closed the door.

Leonard turned to look at Penny.

"Hey, sailor," she purred, and offered him the cap. "I think you might've lost this."

"And yet it's you I was searching for," he answered. He took the cap and put it on.

She smiled. "Want to, uh, climb aboard and go below deck with me?"

"Ooh, Penny, you are dirty!"

"No, no, no, I'm not Penny. I'm a nameless swamp creature fascinated by your ship. Oh, and, you're my first visitor in eighteen years."

They disappeared into 4B.

-0-0-0-0-

AUTHOR'S NOTE: So I recently learned that Shamy lives in Penny's old apartment, and she lives in Sheldon's apartment with Leonard. But I don't like that, so I'm keeping their living arrangements the way they were. You know, excluding the weekly period where Sheldon lives with his fiancee and their shared custody daughters until he's comfortable living with them permanently. Aside from that nothing's changed. 


	5. Chapter 5

Howard stumbled into the kitchen wiping sleep from his eyes. Making his usual first stop at the fridge, he noticed the letter taped to the refrigerator door. He pulled it off and read it aloud.

" 'Gone to Tiny Finies to audition. Call Dad when you need a nanny. PS. Don't call him that.' Good idea," he added, "She's too young to be a widow."

From the living room he heard his phone ring, and he walked quickly to answer it. "Hello?"

"Mr. Wolowitz, good afternoon. I need an engineer pronto," came President Siebert's familar voice.

"I'll be there as soon as possible, sir."

"Thank you."

Howard hung up and he speed-dialed his father-in-law. "Mike?"

"Yeah," came the familiar grunt.

"Hi. I need a sitter."

"For you, or my granddaughters?"

Howard paused, unsure of how to respond.

"I'm kiddin'. How long will you be?"

"Oh. Uh, twenty minutes."

"See ya." The line went dead and Howard hung up, hurrying upstairs to change his clothes and get the babies ready for travel. Later, as he was taking the triplets from their double stroller and placing them in their car seats, he felt a shiver of foreboding crawl across his neck.

-0-0-0-0-

Wrapping the tropical print dress around herself, Bernadette pinned the two ends of the material in place. Her hair was swept up in a ponytail and she wore more vibrant makeup than usual. "Come in," she called, when someone knocked on the door. Earl entered and she smiled brightly at him. "Hi! Thank you so much for this opportunity."

"You're welcome. You look great. Except for one thing."

"What?"

"Your glasses. Our photographers use the flash setting; we want people to see your eyes."

"Oh." She tried not to freak out as he gently removed her glasses.

"There we go. I'll keep them safe."

She blinked, looking around the blurry room.

"How's that, is that okay? Can you wear contacts?" he added, when she squinted at him.

"No, sir. If anything gets too close to my eyes I get nervous."

"Alright. Here, take these back; I'll take them when we get there."

She slid her glasses back on and the pair moved down the hall, turned left, and entered a large room with a curtain illuminated by camera flashes on the other side. They could hear a photographer telling the model how to pose. Suddenly he was saying, "Thank you, Alanna. You may go."

The curtain pulled back and an elegant young lady, even shorter than Bernadette, walked by. Bernadette watched her leave, suddenly feeling normal. Tall, even.

"Bernadette Wolowitz?" the photographer called.

She took off her glasses and handed them to Earl. Taking a deep breath she pushed past the curtain and moved slowly, blindly onto stage. From the blurry mess she thought to be hanging clothes came the words, "I know it's bright, but try not to squint, okay?"

It took all of her willpower not to squint, or shield her eyes from the glare. Wishing she were more blind to the light than she was without her glasses, she mindlessly posed the way the photographer asked her to.

"Okay, cameras are rolling; now walk. Be confident. And action."

Bernadette held her head up high and tried to walk as if she didn't know she was being objectified as short, as if she had all the confidence in the world.

She thought she might add a sassy little spin as she turned to walk away. The warning came too late and she toppled blindly off the stage, knocking into a lamp.

-0-0-0-0-

President Siebert pushed on his newly restored office desk. "Thank you, Mr. Wolowitz."

"You're welcome."

"Do you think you could fix my computer?" President Siebert asked humorously.

They looked at the smashed wreck on the floor.

"I don't see why not."

President Siebert was chuckling and putting things back into his desk drawer when Howard's phone rang. He took it from his pocket. "Yello?" He paused as he listened to the doctor on the other end inform him of his wife's injuries. "Oh, no. Okay, I'm coming. Thank you. President Siebert, I have to go," he added, hanging up. "My wife was taken to the hospital."

"Oh, how come?"

"She broke an arm, a thumb, and sprained her ankle," he answered. "See you tomorrow."

"Howard," President Siebert called, summoning him back into the office. "You don't work tomorrow."

"Right. I knew that." Howard disappeared.

Alone in his office, President Siebert placed his coffee mug on his desk and went to the trashed computer. He was sweeping up the smashed bits of the screen when one of the desk drawers fell off, cracking in half.

"Crap." President Siebert stepped over the cord and surveyed the damage. "And he calls himself an engineer." 


	6. Chapter 6

Howard made it to the hospital in under ten minutes, so he thought he would stop in at the gift shop and buy a bouquet. When he found the best of the best, he bought it and carried it to the front desk. "Hi, I'm Howard Wolowitz; I'm here to see my wife Bernadette."

"Room sixteen."

"Thanks." He turned and began walking. His ascent slowed when he recognized Todd Zarnecki. Holding the flowers up to conceal his face, he tried to make it past him unseen.

It didn't work.

"Hey, nice flowers," Zarnecki said, snatching them from him. "You know what would go great with them? A dress."

"For your information, they're for my wife." Howard snatched the bouquet.

"Yeah? You marry a midget who considered you tall?"

Howard shrugged. "It's okay. I forgive you."

"What?"

"I understand! I know why you're bullying me. You've got that double chin, and that hair. So you resort to picking on others to feel powerful. I get it."

" 'Kay, I wasn't gonna make this personal. Now I'm mad."

"So do something about yourself." Howard kept walking, and suddenly his undergarments were being pulled up toward his shoulders.

"Hey!" A security guard came walking over. "Put him down now. And get out, before you actually need to be here."

Zarnecki dropped Howard, and Howard bolted.

Bernadette was sitting in a wheelchair, with her arm in a cast and her thumb in a splint; but she looked up at Howard with a smile.

"Hey, are you okay?" Howard asked, as he went to her.

"I've been better," she answered.

Howard gave her the roses and kissed her head before going behind the wheelchair and grabbing the handles. He pushed her from the room as she smelled the flowers.

-0-0-0-0-

"Do you need anything while I'm up?" Amy asked Bernadette.

"No, I'm okay."

Amy sat.

"I enrolled in karate class," Leonard suddenly said, and everyone except Sheldon and Penny looked surprised.

"Because of the bully?" Raj asked.

"Yep. I start training tomorrow."

"Can I join?" Howard asked.

"Really?" Leonard said.

"Yeah, I...got bullied at the hospital."

"Sure. Might be cool, taking a class together."

Sheldon considered. "I'll join, too," he stated.

"I'm in," Raj added.

The guys looked at the gals.

"I'm set, I could probably teach the class," Penny said, and shoved a load of spaghetti into her mouth.

Amy considered her unpleasant past. "I'm in," she echoed.

"Oh, good. Finally, a room full of guys will acquire muscle," Raj stated.

"Yeah, I suppose I could come just...for kicks," Penny joked.

Bernadette swirled her spaghetti onto her fork, feeling utterly invisible. "Well, don't you worry about me. I'll just stay at my dad's place until I get better."

"I wasn't worried," Howard answered.

Bernadette put her fork down. "Okay. Can somebody who isn't Howard please take me to the nursery?"

Penny stood and grabbed the wheelchair; and looking confused Howard watched them go.

"Did you know the wheelchair was originally called a bath chair?" Sheldon asked.

"Why?" Raj asked.

"Beats me. My grandfather had a chair in his shower, but it didn't have wheels." 


	7. Chapter 7

AUTHOR'S NOTE: In my last chapter, when Leonard announced he was taking a karate class, and Penny did not appear supportive, it was because, in my mind, she already knew. They sleep together; I thought it was in character that they would confide in one another. Furthermore, Penny said she would go watch the guys take their class "just for kicks". It was intended as a pun, not a rude joke. Although the gym scene between Sheldon and Kripke still makes me giggle. Anywho, sorry for the ambiguity. My bad.

-0-0-0-0-

"I hope I don't make too much a fool of myself," Raj said nervously. The guys, and Amy, stood in the gym.

"I know I will. I'm doing this anyway," Leonard answered. "I'm tired of guys picking on us just because we didn't get to be as big. It stops now. Well, maybe in a few weeks."

"I don't know," Raj fretted.

"Trust me, plenty of normal, average guys who take this course learn to not only defend themselves, but deal damage to their opposition. We're smart; we're learn fast. One day our knowledge of the skill is going to be unmatched."

Kurt walked out of the rest room wearing a shirt that read Instructor, and a whistle around his neck.

"Are you sure about that?" Sheldon asked quietly. They looked nervously at Kurt.

He looked at them, then began speaking in a cold, formal voice. "Good afternoon. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Kurt Sawyer; I'm teaching this class. My only days off are Mondays and Thursdays, I'm here the rest of the time and other classes are available; you can take from the stack of free information booklets by the door." He looked at Leonard, who quickly broke eye contact. Surprising Leonard, Kurt continued the class. "The first move I'll be teaching you is the karate chop."

Sheldon partially raised a hand. "Like what Captain Kirk does? Or the feature Buzz Lightyear has?"

"I don't know who they are."

"Buzz Lightyear is a movie character; a toy who thought he was real," Sheldon answered, to the dismay of his friends. "And Captain Kirk, whom you should know, is the captain of the spaceship Enterprise."

Kurt looked at his older students, who were snickering at Sheldon. "Oh, wow, it's no wonder you're here. You know, I've never had a self-defense student get bullied in my class before."

"I'm sure all of your students will jump at the chance, come practice time," Raj said helpfully.

"I'm sure I will, too. In the meantime I haven't even demonstrated the first move yet," Kurt answered. "Stop disrupting my class." He took a few steps back as two men came to place before him a pile of boards. "The karate chop can be used in several ways." He moved like a blur, visibly scaring Leonard, and suddenly the boards were broken. "That's just one of them."

"And you love Buzz Lightyear," Sheldon reminded Raj, "You've practically got a man-crush."

Howard squirmed.

"You've got a Woody for Buzz," Sheldon continued, making Raj's face go red.

"Still proud you're an astronaut?" Amy quietly asked Howard.

"Who's an astronaut? Nobody I know."

-0-0-0-0-

"Thanks, Penny," Bernadette said, as Penny halted the wheelchair on the Rostenkowski's front porch.

"No problem." Penny rang the bell.

"I feel so stupid," Bernadette murmured.

"You're one of the smartest people I know. Accidents happen to everyone."

Bernadette tried to smile.

The front door opened by Mr. Rostenkowski. "There's my ray of sunshine. Thanks, Peggy."

"It's Penny, actually."

He didn't look very contrite.

"You're welcome," Penny muttered.

"So," Mr. Rostenkowski said, as he turned Bernadette's wheelchair around, "You said you had some big news to tell me?"

"I do!"

"You're not pregnant again, are you? All this screaming's giving me a headache." He wheeled her into the house.

Bernadette smiled. "I'm not pregnant."

"Oh, good."

Bernadette raised a brow.

"Aw," he added insincerely.

"Where's Mom?"

"Changin' diapers."

Bernadette looked knowingly at him.

"Hey, I fed 'em this morning," he protested. He sat on the couch. "So, where's Howard?"

"Uh, he's taking karate class."

Mr. Rostenkowski laughed briefly, sobering when he realized she wasn't kidding. "Oh, that's good. Might come in handy."

Penny was trying not to voice her agreement or snort when Mrs. Rostenkowski entered the room. "There she is! Now what was all the fuss on the phone about?"

Bernadette opened her mouth, but never got the chance to speak.

"Does it have anything to do with this?" Mr. Rostenkowski handed her a magazine, on which were the words, _Tiny Finies Welcomes Bernadette Rostenkowski To Team!_

Penny stopped peering over her shoulder and looked at the glowering faces of her friend's parents. "You know, this is a family matter; I'll just be waiting in the car," she said, and hastily left.


	8. Chapter 8

"You can do it, Sheldon!" Raj called. His voice echoed in the gym.

Looking stoic and focused, Sheldon delivered a speedy karate chop, breaking the board in half. All his friends cheered - except for Leonard.

"Guys," he said, making them pause in their accolades, "It's thinner than a pencil. A cat could have broken it."

"Indeed it could have," Sheldon answered, joining them. "Good boy, Leonard."

"You're not offended?" Raj asked.

"No! Remember, this is only to toughen our hands a bit." Sheldon examined his sore palms. "Oh, dear, I'm going to need a full manicure to fix these stones."

"You should see my lady," Raj told him.

Howard, Leonard and Amy looked at one another.

-0-0-0-0-

"Please don't be upset."

Mr. and Mrs. Rostenkowski continued to sulk.

"I was going to tell you," Bernadette assured them. "But there was so much going on. I was taking care of the kids, and Howard, and the house, and work, and modelling, and then I fell..."

"Howard doesn't need to be taken care of," Mr. Rostenkowski interrupted. "You do, and he's not even here."

A cry through the baby monitor summoned their attention, and Mrs. Rostenkowski patted her husband's knee before getting up and walking upstairs.

"Bernie," Mr. Rostenkowski said, making her look at him. "He treats you wrong, and you know it."

"I have three babies with that man. What am I supposed to do?"

"Go back in time," came the gruff answer.

"Daddy..."

"I know, I know." He sighed. "It's not a safe, practiced procedure yet."

She shook her head. "That's not the answer. And you know that."

"Well, I always wanted the best for my little girl. And he's not holding up his end of the marriage. I'm disappointed in 'im."

Bernadette found herself murmuring, "Me too..."

Scratching his little beard, he slid back against the couch. "You know, if you ever decide...not to stay with him; you can always - "

"I really don't want to have this conversation."

"That's part'a the problem, baby girl. No problem goes away on its own; you gotta deal with it."

Bernadette slumped in the wheelchair, scratching lightly at her splint. "Well, let me deal with my husband in my own time."

Mr. Rostenkowski looked at his daughter, who in the wheelchair looked both fragile and strong. He nodded. "Sure."

She tried to smile at him.

"So how's the nursery comin'?" he asked.

"Really well. You should see it."

Mr. Rostenkowski didn't answer. He just looked up at her from his coffee.

She instantly read the look in his eyes. "You can't even stand to be around him, can you?"

Mrs. Rostenkowski came back and sat beside her husband. "So, dear, that's a nice dress. Where'd you get it?"

"The modelling agency."

Mrs. Rostenkowski began reading the signatures on her daughter's cast. "Molly, Gertrude, Sherry, Alanna, Pam. Who are they?"

"Oh, they're models," Bernadette answered. "And out of all six of us, I'm the tallest." She tried to look smug about it, but when she realized her father was avoiding her eyes she dropped the happy facade. "Uh, 'kay, it's getting late."

"It's noon," Mrs. Rostenkowski pointed out.

"Well...Anyway, Sheldon and Amy left the kids with Leonard during their karate class...He probably wants Penny home, helping him."

Mr. Rostenkowski sagged a bit as another cry came through the monitor. "Yeah, kids can sure be a handful."

"And guess whose turn it is," Mrs. Rostenkowski said lightly.

"Yeah, I'm goin'." He stood and kissed the top of Bernadette's head. " 'Bye."

" 'Bye," she echoed, and Mrs. Rostenkowski wheeled her from the house.

-0-0-0-0-

"You're in my spot."

Taken off-guard, Penny looked up at Erica and exchanged amused glances with Leonard before scooting aside. "So, what do you think of your mother-in-law?" Penny asked Erica. "She's great, right?"

"She's alright."

Penny looked at Leonard. "Uh, what do you think, Erica?" she asked, looking at Danielle.

"I'm Danielle."

The room was quiet then, as the girls continued to watch muted commercials and eat popcorn.

"Come on. Your parents left you in our care to bond. So, let's bond!" Penny insisted. "Let's talk."

"Okay, sure," Danielle said stiffly. "Our parents are dead. They died in a fiery car crash last week and we barely got out."

Both girls looked at her.

"I-I meant your new parents."

Danielle just looked coldly at her, appearing to have frozen in place. "Never," she finally said.

Penny nodded and looked back at the TV. "Good talk," she murmured.

The door opened and Sheldon and Amy walked in. "Hi," Amy sang, as she dropped her keychain into the bowl. "How's it going?"

"I'm taking a nap," Erica grumbled, and she left the room.

Amy raised her brows at Penny. "What was that about?"

"Oh, apparently I made the 'mistake' of referring to you as her parent," Penny informed her. "And by the way," she added in Danielle's direction, "She is. Maybe it's not supposed to be this way, but she and Sheldon are your legal guardians."

Danielle finally set the popcorn bowl on the coffee table before walking after Erica. The door slammed behind her, slightly startling Sheldon.

"Thanks, Penny," he said caustically, "Now they're mad." He looked at Amy. "What calms children down?"

"Soft Kitty?" Penny offered.

"Junior Mints?" Leonard offered.

"Strawberry Quik?" Amy jumped in.

"Hot apple cinnamon cider?" Penny concluded.

Sheldon just stared at them. 


	9. Chapter 9

Leonard and Sheldon slowly climbed the stairs, each trying to protect their throbbing fists. Amy followed, seemingly unscathed.

"Do you think we impressed Kurt?" Leonard asked.

"I'm not taking this class to impress Kurt, I'm taking it to defend myself against people like Kurt; thus I don't care."

"I've never been so sore in my life."

"Me neither. Did you see the way Wolowitz wobbled? Like a duck on Valium. I think it's safe to say Wii bowling night is cancelled."

"Thank God," Leonard muttered, and they parted to let themselves into their apartments. Both groaned in pain as they retrieved their keys.

Amy examined Sheldon, appearing unimpressed. "Your hands are like jelly, aren't they?" she asked.

"You know exactly how soft my hands are."

Amy closed the door. "Why don't you go soak them, I'll cook dinner."

"Thanks." Sheldon moved lethargically toward the bathroom and Amy moved into the kitchen.

-0-0-0-0-

The dinner table was awkwardly quiet as Amy finished serving her family. It was still awkwardly quiet when they had all begun eating. Sheldon's hands were covered in Vaseline and wrapped in bandages, but his fingers were free.

"So," Amy finally said, "I've been thinking...maybe it would be an excellent idea for you girls to join us in our self-defense classes."

"What about our, you know, school classes?" Danielle asked frostily.

"Uh, actually, we talked it over," Sheldon said, "And we decided not to enrol you in public school. We thought you would learn more in less time if...we were your teachers."

"What? I don't want to be here all the time!"

Amy and Sheldon shared a glance. "Danielle," Sheldon began, "School was, for both Amy and me, a living hell. We were rejected, bullied, pranked, teased, tripped..."

"I'm not you."

"Right," Amy answered, "You're young, and beautiful. People who happen to be just one or neither of those things will do mean things out of spite."

"Entirely correct. Now, we don't have to hold your classes here; we can hold them at the university where we work. I guarantee you you'll be two of the youngest people on campus. And while Amy doesn't care if you call her Dr. Fowler or Mom, I'm not so unobjectionable. I will have you call me Mr. Dr. Cooper."

Danielle looked at her silent sister, then returned her narrow eyes to her new mother. "I want public school."

Erica timidly nodded.

Sheldon looked at Amy for advice.

"Are you sure?" Amy asked.

"Positive. Nothing will get me bullied more than the other students finding out my adoptive parents are my teachers."

Amy nodded slowly. "You don't need to explain," she said, "I get it. People are..."

"Stupid," Sheldon filled in. "What's so funny about your parent being your schoolteacher, when your parents taught you everything else?"

"Adoptive!" Danielle shouted, scaring all three. She stood and stomped down the hall.

Appearing red in the face, Erica slowly continued to pick at her food, avoiding all eye contact.

Sheldon looked at Amy, who shook her head. Sheldon quietly loaded his fork before he found the courage to speak again. "I don't know why any parent in any family ships their kids off to school with strangers anyway. Why would they trust strangers to teach their children? Especially if they want them to be taught a certain way to begin with. It doesn't make sense to me..." He looked at Erica, who still wouldn't do anything but pick at her food. He looked at Amy. "And I mean, if you're going to raise a kid, at least have the decency to do your part, teach them, and finish what you started!"

Erica dropped her fork with a clatter. "Some parents don't get the chance," she mumbled. "I'm not hungry, can I be excused?"

"You may," Amy answered, and Erica stood and moved down the hall.

When a door closed Sheldon spoke. "This is proving difficult."

"Well, I'm sure it's difficult, for them," Amy said pointedly. "They're young, they're dealing with two losses at the same time. I think you can deal with two gains."

Sheldon considered.

-0-0-0-0-

Three knocks on the door had Danielle opening her mouth to yell Go away! But before she could say anything Sheldon called, "Danielle and Erica!" He knocked three more times. "Danielle and Erica!" Three final knocks. "Danielle and Erica!"

Danielle got up and opened the door. Amy stood behind him, carrying both untouched meals.

"Special delivery, from Meal On Heels," Amy joked.

Erica and Danielle just blinked at her.

"Never mind."

"Don't get used to this," Sheldon added, as Amy handed each girl her dinner. "You can eat in here just for tonight, but we expect you at the dinner table tomorrow." He turned to follow Amy out, but stopped and turned back. "Say whatever you want once this door closes. But the bottom line is, you'll thrive the most here. We Coopers, we do things right. Except your new grandma, you pay her no mind; she's crazy. Loving, nurturing, but cuckoo for CocoPuffs."

"Dr. Cooper," Erica called, making him turn.

"Yes?"

"I...I don't like your friends."

Sheldon shrugged. "To be honest, I'm not entirely comfortable with them, either." He watched them rearrange themselves on the bed with their plates. "I know this is strange now," he finally said, "But we'll all adjust. All the good things take time."

He backed out of the room and gently shut the door.

"How are you doing?" Amy asked, as he re-entered the living room.

He sat in his Spot with a sigh. "I'm at a weird place in my life," he finally said.

"How so?"

"Well, I'm a new father..." He looked down at his hands, examining them. "But I feel like an old mummy."

Amy looked at him. "Are you still going to continue your lessons?"

He considered, then nodded. "I am. We don't get to run away from our problems the moment they get difficult...We'd never solve anything that way. Furthermore it's time I learn how to stand up for myself. I can't rely on Penny for protection, and still be a respectable dad. I need to know how to protect them, too."

Amy nodded and went back to her reading, and Sheldon sat quietly beside her and reminisced. 


	10. Chapter 10

Howard and Bernadette were sitting in the Wolowitz's living room, watching TV when Bernadette's phone rang. A caustic look came across her face as Howard answered it, reminding her that she was helpless. "Bernadette's phone, Howard speaking. Yeah, she's here, one sec." He pushed a button and set the phone down.

"Hello?" Bernadette asked timidly.

"Hi," a voice came through the speaker phone. "Bernadette Wolowitz?"

"Yes."

"Hi. This is Earl Berger; I have some...news. Is this a good time? I mean," he continued, as she opened her mouth to answer, "It won't be, in a few moments, but, uh...well, how are you doing?"

"I was recovering, until you said that. What's going on?"

"Um. Okay. Here's the thing. You fit in perfectly here, but we have to let you go already."

"What? Why?" Bernadette asked.

"Uh, there's a fashion show coming up, and Tiny Finies needs a perfect attendance in order to enter."

"Coming up when?"

The hesitance was brief. "In one week. I'm really sorry," he continued, as Bernadette and Howard listened. "We really enjoyed having you here."

Howard cut in. "Well, if you really enjoy it, why can't you forfeit the show?"

"Because the prize money will cover the cost of the camera she knocked over. Maybe when you've recovered, you can come back. For now you need to focus on healing, and we need to focus on our business." He disconnected without a goodbye.

Bernadette slumped in her chair. "Great," she muttered. "There goes our safety net."

Howard looked at her. "Maybe not. Do you have any rich loved ones about to kick the bucket?"

"Howard," she grumbled.

"What? It's not like saying it will make it happen."

She just glowered at him and he squirmed. "Sorry," he finally said. "Want to recline?"

"No, I'm not tired, Howie. I'm...I need to find out when my maternity leave ends."

"Alright," Howard murmured, and began scrolling through her contacts. Putting the phone to his ear he waited only a few seconds. "Hi, is this the Pasadena pharmacy? ...Hi, this is Howard Wolowitz. ...Husband, actually. I'm wondering when her maternity leave ends. ...Thanks." He disconnected and dawdled with turning off the phone.

"Well?" she finally asked.

"Three days," he said apologetically.

Bernadette sighed. "What are we supposed to do?"

Howard sighed, too. "Start checking up on all the relatives."

She looked at him.

"Fine, fine, I'll...try to make something." He thought for a moment. "How about this? A robot..."

"Howard, I know I'm in a wheelchair, but it won't last forever; it's just a broken leg!"

"Hear me out," he chuckled. "A robot with a cart attached to its hands. And sensors in its eyes. That way whenever someone tries to steal your groceries, it sounds an alarm."

"They have that alarm. It's called a voice."

Howard relented. "Fine...I'll keep thinking." 


	11. Chapter 11

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Now that I know the gender and name (and quantity) of mini Wolowitz, I think if I did write any future Big Bang fanfics, I would stop using the triplet OCs and write my book as if I know what's going on. I'm sorry if this creates a paradox for you the way it does for me.

-0-0-0-0-

A knock on the front door summoned Howard from the kitchen. "Hey, Raj," he said, upon opening the door. "What's up?"

"I've been thinking a lot about your financial plug, and I think I've come up with a way to help out."

"Really? What's that?"

Raj shrugged. "I'll just...help out. I'm rich."

"Raj - no offense, but I don't want your money. I don't want to owe you!"

"It's not a loan, it's free."

"I don't want to go that way," Howard said, as he let Raj in. They began to walk to the living room. "I've been...doing some thinking myself, and I think I know a way to provide for my family on my own."

"What?"

Howard sat on the couch with a sigh. "Sell the house."

"What?" Raj repeated.

"It's logical. This place is big, and nice...And these damn land taxes are killing Bernie and me. If we sold the house and rented something cheaper, we'd get ahead."

"I don't want you to move! Where are you gonna go? What about Stuart?"

"Stuart...needs to get a better job. I already have three kids and a wife to provide for; I don't need a possum in my house. There won't be room for rodents," he added.

Raj sat beside him. "So you're evicting him?"

Howard stared intensely at the coffee table. "Yeah. I am. I'm evicting Stuart, and selling the house. I have no choice. All I want is a home to my family and me. No permanent guests, no Alan Harpers. He needs to get a better job and be able to care for himself."

"Wow. When are you telling him?"

The door opened and Stuart's voice called, "I'm home!"

Howard stood. "Now," he told Raj. "Hey, Stuart," he said, as he walked into the living room.

"Hey, Howard. Raj."

"Stuart, we need to talk."

"Sure, what's up?"

Raj stood quickly. "I, uh, I forgot to walk my dogs. 'Byeee!" He clapped Stuart on the shoulder as he walked from the room. The door closed behind him.

Stuart looked at Howard. "What's going on?"

Howard wished Bernadette was there with him. "Uh, Bernadette and I...need to sell the house. We already talked it over," he continued, "And it's agreed we'll be renting out a smaller, cheaper, less elegant home."

"Sure, I'm on board; where to?"

"No, no." Howard spoke calmly, but decisively. "You're not coming with us, this time. The house will be smaller; Bernadette and I'll need the space for our kids."

Stuart blinked, looking dumbfounded. "Y-you're kicking me out?"

"It's nothing personal. You're a good friend, a nice guy; but you can do better for yourself than a comic book store that appeals to no one. You went to art school! Use your gift. Sell your work. Get a job on the side; but you can't be our freeloading tenant anymore."

Stuart still looked taken aback. "Uh, c-can I use your address on my resume?"

Howard quickly thought it over. "For awhile. But once you get a roof over your head, you need to tell your boss you moved."

"Can you help me write my resume?"

This time the answer came faster. "No."

Stuart nodded. "I'd...go pack, but all I have is a bag of clothes. So...guess I'll go write my resume now. By the way, I...I have a collection of drawings at the comic book store, if you want to buy them?" he asked hopefully.

"I'll think about it," Howard said through gritted teeth.

Knowing he was treading on his patience, Stuart nodded and left.

Sad and flustered, Howard slowly sank back onto the nearest couch cushion. "Sorry, Mom," he said, to no one in particular. "It's the only way."

He sat there for a moment longer, then stood and didn't go anywhere, trying not to cry, looking lost, as if he had forgotten where he wanted to go. Finally he moved toward the nursery. Bernadette was there, gazing at the sleeping forms of the triplets.

"I'm sorry," she suddenly said.

"It's not your fault. It's what we have to do."

"No, not that. This."

Howard sat on the living chair. "That's not your fault, either. If you hadn't been modelling eyeshadow, you could have kept your glasses on."

"And I also could have kept my modelling job. And my pharmaceutical job, and you wouldn't have to sell."

"I don't blame you," Howard repeated stubbornly. "People move all the time."

"Not you! You've been here most of your life."

"Yeah..." Howard gazed fondly around the familiar room. "This was Ma's room from the day we moved here," he said laughingly. "We didn't want to risk her falling through the floor."

Bernadette tried to smile.

"I would give anything to have her here."

Bernadette put the sprained hand of her unbroken arm on his knee, and they sat in silence in the dim nursery.

"Want to look at the photo albums?" Bernadette finally asked.

Howard nodded. "Yeah."

"Let's go."

He stood and wheeled her from the room. 


	12. Chapter 12

Tuning out what his friends were talking about, Leonard shrugged off his trepidation and walked resolutely toward Kurt, who was looking at a clipboard he held. "Hey, Kurt, thanks for not stepping on my head."

Kurt looked down at him. "Do I know you?"

"Uh...no," Leonard lied. "I just think it's courteous to show appreciation. And I am thankful. I think I'm learning a lot from your class."

"Well, I won't be teaching next week," Kurt said. "I have to go to an aunt's wedding. But some lady's filling in for me."

"A lady?" Leonard asked. "Ladies do this?"

Amy cleared her throat, making him jump and turn quickly to look at his friends, all of whom stood just a few feet away.

"This one does. I hear she's a pro."

"You've never met her?" Leonard asked. "Aren't you worried?"

"Nah. If she tries to fight me fancy I'll just sit on her." He tossed his clipboard onto the closed box marked UNIFORMS and left the gym.

Leonard looked down at the clipboard and suddenly, in a fast movement, he had picked it up. "Oh my God!" he exclaimed.

"What's wrong?" Amy asked.

"Nothing! Look who's filling in!" He turned the clipboard around so they could see the name.

"Jackie Chan," Amy read aloud. "Oh, that's a pretty name."

The guys gasped, looking offended. "What?" Amy asked.

"Jackie Chan is a male," Sheldon importantly informed her.

"Guys get named Jackie?"

"Amy, he's a martial artist. A professional indeed, and my hero," Sheldon said, swiping the clipboard from Leonard. He stared at it. "Here. He's coming here?"

"Thank you, Kurt's aunt," Leonard said gleefully.

"Excuse me, while I go black out," Howard said, and moved slowly away from the group, only to pump a fist and quietly say, "Yes."

"I'm sorry, I don't understand your enthusiasm," Amy said to Leonard.

"Then you must live under a rock," Raj answered. "Jackie Chan is the god of martial arts! And movies."

"He's a big star," Leonard added. Then, to the guys, he asked, "Do you think he'd hit me if I asked for an autograph?"

Amy blinked. "Leonard, you're fan-girling. Again. In public."

"Yes I am. I can't wait."

Sheldon reluctantly put the clipboard down and followed the group out the door, looking rather giddy.

"You actually have noooo idea who he is?" Leonard was asking.

"Sorry. I don't watch a lot of television."

"He's a big deal. And we're gonna meet him," Leonard gushed.

"We just got so much cooler," Howard practically squealed.

Amy rolled her eyes. "And just like that, it's gone again."

Howard turned and stopped, forcing the others to stop as well. "Hey, I have the complete series of Rush Hour. How about tomorrow evening we all go to my place, have a marathon, Amy can familiarize herself with his work. We have spaghetti and hot dogs," he told Sheldon, quickly making him reconsider.

"Sounds good," Raj said.

Nobody objected, and they continued to walk down the hall.

-0-0-0-0-

As Leonard parked the car on the side of the road beside the Wolowitz house, he and Sheldon both frowned at the increased amount of cars in the driveway. "Is it a party?" Leonard asked.

"I don't hear any laughter," Sheldon observed. "Nor do I see balloons tied to the mail box."

"They don't have a mail box."

"Precisely. That's why I don't see it."

Leonard sighed as they got out of the car. Upon being greeted and let in by Howard, they followed him to the living room and stopped. Something was wrong, they instantly knew. Josh, Penny and Bernadette's parents were there, too.

"What's going on?" Leonard asked expectantly.

"You heard about the marathon," Sheldon eagerly guessed. "When can we start?"

"Later," Howard said firmly, silencing him. "I only wanted everyone here at the same time because repetition hurts. Bernie?"

He sat as Bernadette took over, sounding more emotionally stable, "I took that modelling job to bring in some money. Last night I was let go, because they need a perfect attendance to get a grant. My boss at the pharmacy says if I miss too many days, he'll have to replace me because people need their...stupid medicine. So Howard and I have decided to sell the house."

The room went silent.

Sheldon looked at Leonard. "Definitely not a party."

"Where'll you go?" Penny asked, in a hushed voice.

"Someplace less extravagant, that's all we know right now," Howard answered.

"You know I offered him money, right?" Raj asked Bernadette.

"I know. And you're sweet, but we need to be able to say we can care for our own."

"Will you still be in Pasadena?" Josh asked.

"I...hope so. It all depends on what we can afford."

Another silence. Finally Raj said, "Okay, here's something. What if you took my money, and...gave me your house?"

Everyone looked at him.

"What?" Howard asked.

"I'll buy it. I'll buy your house. I'll be your landlord and you can stay right here!"

"Raj, you would do that?"

"I would. I will. If - you know, if we have a deal."

"We have a deal!" Howard exclaimed. They shook hands and hugged quickly.

"Thank you, Raj," Bernadette said happily.

"Well," Mike stood, "That was a long car ride for not much."

"It was plenty enough for me," Bernadette grumbled.

"Now can we start the marathon?" Sheldon pleaded Howard.

"Alright, no need to howl. Amy, would you do the honors?"

Amy turned and pulled out the first Rush Hour.

"Oh, cool, I love Jackie Chan!" Penny exclaimed, sitting eagerly beside Sheldon. He looked at her in surprise.

"Should I be jealous?" Leonard asked.

"No, no," she began, and then tilted her head. "Well..."

"Hey, can I stay?" Mike asked. "I haven't seen this in years."

"Of course you can!" Bernadette told him. "You all can."

"Whoa, hey!" Raj exclaimed. "That's something you should really run by your landlord first."

Everyone stopped and stared at him.

"And grape soda in my living room..." he continued. "I'm not sure I like that."

Everyone looked at one another.

"I'm just kidding," he chortled. He plopped down beside Penny and grabbed a soda. 


End file.
